Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
