I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
