dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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