I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
