It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
