last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
