Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
