we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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