If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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