My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
