i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize