Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
