guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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