The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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