You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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