Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
