so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh god it's open bar.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
