that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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