i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
