4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
