its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize