literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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