I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
