We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dicks are not precious.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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