guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
