I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
