Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
