Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
