I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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