In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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