he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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