I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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