There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
