It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need to calm my uterus...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
