I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
