Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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