i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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