belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
