I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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