Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
