stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
