Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
