There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
