There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
