yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
