I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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