were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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