so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
