i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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