She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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