I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
