I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
