My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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