half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
