I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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