Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
