just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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