I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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