he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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