I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
