i think my mom watched the whole time
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
