We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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