ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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