So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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