Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
