I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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