the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
