ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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