he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she peed on how many people?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
