sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
